When Nouns Attack! (Or become verbs).

Much to the disgust of many an English-conservationalist pedant, I am a great fan of the evolution of language. Slang has always been a influence on common speech and some of the greatest literary minds have absolutely butchered the language and then sewn it back together in a manner they saw fit. I'm pretty sure Shakespeare made up at least half of the words he used, filling the rest out with brand new idioms and bloody murder.

I hear people complaining about the state of the "youth patois", claiming they disgrace our mother tongue with the use of words such as "Innit" and "Bredrin" but I for one salute these modern poets. Who else could have combined the words 'Relax' and 'Chill' to create a word more powerful than the two separately or even together? Only the other day, as I was chillaxing with my home-dogs, it occurred to me that in years to come, we may all have cribs and rides and threads. I know I will.

Another of my favourite etymological phenomenons is the verbing of nouns. For those not familiar with this process, let me explain:

Step 1.
Take one noun, e.g. top-hat

Step 2.
Add "ing" to the end of it, e.g. top-hatting

Step 3.
Use it in a sentence, e.g. "Are you still top-hatting that girl from the library?"

It's honestly that simple. And the beauty of the technique is that it doesn't even have to make sense. The way in which it is used implies the meaning. Whilst my example suggests some kind of sexual practise, it need not be for you.

But I am by no means one of the first users of this glorious mechanism. For many years now we've been texting, blogging, trending, friending, facebooking, IMing and noone bats an eye. The most genius usage of this has to be from the corporate sector. In 1908, W. H. Hoover lent his name to fabulous floor-sucking device and it soon became a household verb. Dyson tried to muscle in late on the scene but with no success. Nobody wants to do the dysoning. I like to imagine the people at Tupperware trying a similar ploy but I have no facts to back this up. The internet is rife with examples, Twitter practically writing their own Twictionary to twefine all the new twords one needs. But the undisputed master of the genre has to be, the all powerful, Google.

Despite not being a real word, the very name of Google seems to imply looking for something, being so close to oogle & oggle, with the double O of look whilst also being reminiscent of binoculars. They master the scene with people googling left, right and centre, no matter what search engine they use. Bing, Yahoo and Ask all fall short and tumble into the category with Dyson. Personally, I've started googling in real life. Googling for my keys, googling for some dinner in Tesco, googling my friends brains for a two-way blogversation. I fear I am alone in the curious venn diagram of eccentricity but it doesn't really bother me.

I am, however, hoping the world may catch up with me, verbing everything possible. Those who do will be Daving, will have Daved and shall forever more Dave.

Thanks for top-hatting.



Surviving the Apocalypse Tip #77 : When choosing provisions, remember to stock up on non-spoiling items. It takes experience to know that a sandwich gaffa taped to the back of a cupboard is not a good idea.