Anbody know a good spandex seamstress?

I am genuinely quite astonished that there aren't any real life superheroes. I'm not expecting them to be crowding every street corner but with a global population of over 6 billion, you'd expect at least a few. But no. No something-mans or incredible whatevers, not even a human-thingamabob.

Now obviously I'm not expecting any aliens from dying worlds or supernatural powers resulting from radioactive termite bites. Laser eyes are unlikely and telekinesis even more so (unless you're a jedi). But I'd honestly expect to see one or two heroes from the Batman, Iron Man fraternity. Ordinary guys with too much time and/or money who utilize fighting or technology skills in order to help mankind. I have heard it said that batman is symbolic of class warfare: Rich, white male uses inherited wealth to beat up street level criminals; but even if that is the case, my point still stands. Where are the spoilt little rich kids with slightly twisted views on justice, running around in tights and masks? As far as I'm aware, the closest thing we've got are fathers so desperate to get their kids that they feel the only way to prove they are sensible, responsible adults is to dress in lycra and try to climb buildings.

Some of you may be aware that I gave serious thought to filling this void myself a while back. Ever since a Lord of the Rings fancy dress party, I own a cape, and despite lacking any kind of physical combat training and possessing a minimal amount of villain foiling gadgets, I thought I might give a go. Utilising the more theatrical and mysterious sides of hero-dom, I felt I could at very least, get an article in the local paper, and if I was lucky, it would demand my capture and unmasking as all the best vigilante's press does. However my plan fell down slightly at what I would deem the second hurdle (the first being the cape, which I had covered quite stylishly) in that the closest thing to regular street crime in the area I live is small groups of 12 year olds in hoodies. And as satisfying as it may be, beat them up would have given me possibly more bad press than I would prefer.

So, alas, the world remains without a symbol of hope and justice. Maybe one day. Maybe when I've got a robot arm and cybernetic implants in my brain and I lead the revolution against our metallic overlords...


Surviving the Apocalypse Tip #18 : Destroying robots with microwaves is easy. The hard part is getting them to stay in there while you close the door.